This International Women's Day was a special one for me ? I was awarded the “Changemaker of Kerala Award” (in the category Business) along with 13 other trailblazers. Changemaker is an award given by the Kerala Arts and Crafts Village in association with Humans of Kerala to recognise up and coming women in their respectove fields, to inspire those coming after us.
But to say that I was the one left inspired by the women around me is an understatement. Listening to some amazing women speak like Dr. R Bindhu, Minister of Higher Education of Kerala and Ms.Nishanthini IPS, DIG made me feel in that moment that just being there as a woman was an achievement in itself. I felt inspired, strong, empowered.
I hope I can carry this spirit not just for a day or two but through for a long time to come.
It’s been almost 2 years of ClarityBrew and I’m grateful that I have been able to make a difference in the lives of the women I have worked with. Helped them find their direction and create their own path. I take this recognition as my sign from the Universe to keep going.
Thankful to Kerala Arts and Crafts Village and Humans of Kerala for this honour and opportunity.
Part of what makes us dread uncertainty is not having control over the outcome a decision.
1.ACCEPT UNCERTAINITY - THERE IS NO PERFECT CHOICE
It is impossible to predict the future and know for sure the impact of your decisions. Accept that no choice is going to be perfect, every choice before you will come with uncertainty. Think about what it is that you could do with the information at your disposal that will take you closer to your ideal outcome.
2. FOCUS ON WHAT YOU CAN CONTROL
Take a pen and paper and write down everything that is causing you to worry about the situation . Pour it onto a paper. Now that you have your list, move on to the solution. Think about some possible steps you could take to overcome your problem.
Try the sphere of influence technique to help you focus on what you can control.
How it works- Draw two circles, a smaller circle inside a larger one. The smaller circle is your ‘sphere of control’, here you list down everything that you can control. The larger circle is your ‘sphere of influence’, here you make a list of all the things you can influence. The empty space outside the larger circle, is ‘everything else’. Everything you cannot control.
Focusing on what you can control helps you move from overthinking to coming up with practical solutions. Of course, there could be situations in which all you can control is your attitude and emotional response.
3.NARROW DOWN YOUR CHOICES
If it is the number of choices before you that is causing you uncertainty then think of how you can narrow in on what resonates with you the most. Think about which choice aligns with your goals, values and needs the most (or any other criteria that is relevant to your decision).
4.CHALLENGE YOURSELF.
Ask yourself:
What is the worst that could happen? How likely is it?
What are the pros and cons of certainty or staying where you are in life?
How much can you be certain about your life?
5. SELF REMINDER
Remind yourself that you have gotten through uncertain situations before and can do it again. Reflect on a time in the past when you where in a similar situation. How did you deal with it then? How did things work out?
If you are feeling overwhelmed or lost, know that you are not alone. If you are experiencing inner conflict and need clarity and direction to work through your thoughts and create a shift in your perspective, schedule your free 1:1 (60 min) Clarity Call with me.
Last weekend I watched an episode of The Mind, Explained ( EP4, S2) on Netflix. The episode explains how we are all inherently creative but somehow we imagine creative people to be a step above us, different. They make a case for how creativity is all about exercising your mental muscle.
David Byrne and a couple of creative people were being interviewed for insight on what makes them creative and keeps them going. There was a common theme that they talked about that struck me. The “I’ll figure it out” mindset. I think applying that to life is a game changer. You force yourself to do what you can do with what you have. It teaches you to be self- reliant and confident in your abilities.
So how can you cultivate this mindset?
David Byrne says “You have to have unreasonable faith in something that doesn’t exist. You have to have a fictional narrative in your head that this thing will come to pass.”
Take hold of the situation. Know that it is completely normal to be confused. Just take a step back to think about the solution. Don’t criticise yourself for taking more time than usual to figure out what to do. Again this does not mean that you cannot or should not take help. It only means that you tell yourself that you will find a way to overcome this situation.
If you are totally stuck, take a walk, sleep on it or take a sip of wine. Come back to it later. And if you don’t have success figuring it out, don’t get bogged down by the failure. There will always be something else to fall back on.?
Take a moment to sit down with a pen and paper. Think about the deadlines you need to meet in the next 1-2 weeks. Make a list. Mark them down in your calendar. Make a separate list of the tasks you need to work on but does not have specific deadlines. Don’t forget to factor in your social and personal commitments.
Step 2: Break it down
Break down your big goals into small daily tasks. Structure the daily tasks based on the level of priority of the final goal. Think about how much time you would need to spend on each of these daily tasks if you need to meet the deadline. Make a note of these daily tasks in your calendar along with how much time you will spend on it. You can use an app like TO-DOIST/ STRUCTURED to create your daily planner.
Step 3: Be realistic
When assessing how much time you will spend on each task, be realistic. Ask yourself if you could complete the task realistically in the time you have set aside for it. Do you need to account for more time?
Step 4: Take breaks
Take time out to refresh yourself in between the day. Take a break- have a coffee, take a walk or talk to a friend.
Step 5: Make planning a habit
Plan your daily task list the night before or in the morning, take 5 mins to make a list of all the work you need to complete. Make this an everyday practice. Review your list from the previous day and add any pending work to your daily list. Review your weekly plan as well to include any work that might need prior attention.
We have all struggled (or are struggling) with adopting a new habit. Research suggests that it takes up to 66 days on an average to adopt a new habit. Yes, you heard that right. So how exactly do we make it past 66 days?!
1. Figure out your WHY
Why do you want to develop this habit? What is your motivation? Think of how your life would look if you didn’t make the change. Then decide how you are going to make the change.
2. Start SMALL
Most people who struggle with new habits, struggle with motivation. To overcome this, make your habit so easy that you don’t need motivation to do it. If you want to build a habit of reading for 1 hr a day, start with 5 mins. Gradually increase your habit as you move forward, and do so in small ways.
3. PLAN
Schedule your habit onto your calendar. Decide a time and place to take action.
4. BREAK your habit down
As you gradually increase the habit, make sure it is still reasonable and can be accomplished easily. If you are trying to build up to 20 minutes of journaling every day. Consider splitting it into two segments of 10 minutes at first.
5. Stay on TRACK
You are bound to miss a day or more. It happens and that’s okay. What matters is that you stop beating yourself up for it and get back on track. Take time to think about the things that could come in the way of you working on the habit. Think about how you can work around this. The goal is to be consistent not perfect.
6. REWARD System:
Have a good reward system in place. Studies show that rewards directly relates into how habits are formed. Have milestones and rewards in place, so you have something to look forward to after taking action.
If you are looking for a safe space to unpack and process your overwhelming thoughts and support to help you figure out what it is you want your future to look like and how to get there, take that first step- book your free Clarity Call.
The first step to tackling procrastination is to understand the reason behind why you are procrastinating. The answer to your why will help you come up with an effective solution. Let’s say, you are you avoiding doing a task because you find it boring; try to get it out of the way first, so that you can focus on the work that you enjoy. Or may be you find the task overwhelming, then think of ways to make it simpler.
That brings us to number
2. BREAK THE WORK DOWN
One of the main reasons we procrastinate is because we are overwhelmed by the mountain of work that needs to get done. Break your work down into smaller tasks that are manageable and focus on completing one task at a time. Say you want to finish your thesis by the end of this year. Break down the work you need to complete into various phases based on the chapters that you need to write. Figure out how many pages you’d have to write each day to finish on time. Schedule time to do those daily tasks. This will make the work feel more manageable.
3. GIVE YOURSELF DEADLINES
Once you have broken down your task into smaller ones, set specific deadlines for each small task. This way, you know you have to finish each task by a certain date. Not having deadlines, tends to make us feel like you have time and takes away the sense of urgency.
4. JUST START
Take action, even if you decide to work on it for just a few minutes. Just start. Once you get started, you find that it is easier to keep going. Find your level of resistance. Think of the effort you are willing to put into a task. Does 1 hr of working seem too long? Think of doing it for 30 minutes instead or for how ever long you are comfortable working on it.
Try the 5 Minute Rule: Pick a task that you want to work on. Set a timer and give yourself 5 mins to work on it. Once the timer stops, stop what you are doing. Most often than not once you get started, you will realise that the task ahead is not all that bad and will want to continue working on the task for a little longer. Setting a goal and starting is usually the hard part. Knowing that you only have to work on it for 5 mins will make the task feel much less overwhelming and a lot more doable.
5. SHUT OUT ALL DISTRACTIONS
Shut out all the distractions you turn to when you procrastinate. We are all guilty of spending hours of time binging on Netflix shows or scrolling away on Instagram when we should have been working on something else. So the next time you have work to do, put your phone away.
6. REWARD YOURSELF
Once you have completed a task reward yourself. Indulge in something that you find fun. Research shows rewards can be a good way to create habits.
7. FINALLY BE KIND TO YOURSELF
Its okay if you have procrastinated in the past. Don’t let that stop you from taking action now. As per research forgiving yourself for past procrastination makes you more likely to overcome your current procrastination and take action.
If you are looking for a safe space to unpack and process your overwhelming thoughts and support to help you figure out what it is you want your future to look like and how to get there, take that first step- book your free Clarity Call.
Warning:
Procrastination may be more than a bad habit and could be a sign of a serious underlying health issue like ADHD,OCD, anxiety and depression If you are dealing with chronic or debilitating procrastination, please seek oubt help from a trained professional.
“Setting goals is the first step in turning the invisible into the visible.”- Tony Robbins
I think that rings very true in life. Until you set goals, you don’t really no where you are headed. Based on a person’s values, ideas of happiness and success, goal setting can look different for different people. So, the goals that you set for yourself are unique to you and doesn’t have to look like the goals that someone else has set for themselves.
The general understanding of goal-setting is that it is “the process of identifying something you want to accomplish and establishing measurable objectives and timeframes to help you achieve it”. Unless you are aware of what your goal is, you are not going to be able to create a plan to get there.
Here are 5 reasons why you should be setting personal goals and it is vital to growth in your life:
Helps you figure out what you want in life
Gives you a sense of direction and focus
Allow you to measure your progress
Motivates you to push forward
Keeps you accountable
HOW TO SET GOALS THAT EXCITE YOU:
STEP 1: Consider what you want to achieve
Think about what you want to achieve in the next say 3, 5 or 10 years. You can choose a timeline that works for you. Think of different areas of your life that you want to concentrate on, for example, career, family, health, finance or stick to one category, whatever is best for you. While you might be tempted to set a whole lot of goals for yourself, initially try to limit them to a few important goals that you want to start with. This will help prevent you from feeling overwhelmed with the task ahead.
Spend sometime to brainstorm goals that excite you. Make sure you ask yourself if these are goals that YOU want to achieve and not goals that you are pressured into setting due to societal expectations. Write your goals down, no matter how far-fetched they seem.
STEP 2 : Make sure your goals are SMART
What SMART stands for:
Specific – you know exactly what your goal is.
Measurable – you can measure and track your goal.
Attainable – your goal is realistic, and you can achieve it.
Relevant – your goal is exciting and meaningful to you.
Timebound – you have a clear deadline for your goal.
Once you have your goal, write it down. Writing it down makes it feel real.
HOW TO CREATE AN ACTIONABLE PLAN TO ACHEIVE THE GOAL :
STEP 3: Break the goal into smaller goals
Once you have set your bigger and broader goal (for ease of explaining, we are going to consider that this broader goal is for 10 years), set a 5 year plan of smaller goals that you need to complete if you are to reach your lifetime plan. Then create a 3 year plan, a 1 year plan, six-month plan, and a one-month plan of progressively smaller goals that you should take to achieve your lifetime goals. Each of these should be based on the previous plan.
Then create a day to day to-do list of things that you should do today to work towards your lifetime goals.
STEP 4: Keep yourself accountable
Find someone who can motivate you to push yourself to meet the goals that you have set for yourself, work with you when you hit roadblocks and hold you accountable to your goals.
STEP 5: Track your progress
Check in on yourself. Take stock of what’s been working and what hasn’t been. If something hasn’t been working, think about what needs to change.
Finally, reward yourself for the progress you are making! Celebrate your wins.
Have you ever felt like you aren’t good enough? That you don’t measure up to your expectations or someone else’s expectations of you? Well, you are not alone, you are in good company.
Here are some things to remember when you are feeling self-critical :
1. Stop comparing yourself to others
When you catch yourself comparing yourself to others, remind yourself that you are not in competition with anyone. Stop comparing your journey with someone’s success. Take your time finding yourself. There are no points for finishing first.
2. Think about your past wins
You have achieved so much in the past. Think about these past achievements and remind yourself that you are more than capable. If you have done it in the past, you can do it again.
3. It’s okay to make mistakes
Making mistakes does not automatically mean you aren’t good enough. It simply means you are learning. Accept that mistakes are part of your journey and they do not define your worth. Think of it as a learning opportunity.
4. There is more right with you than wrong with you
Remind yourself of the things that you like about yourself, you will find that the list is longer than the things that you think are wrong about you.
You wouldn’t say you are sad or hopeless but you have been feeling off and just can’t find the right word to describe what you are feeling. Well, this could be languishing.
Organizational psychologist Adam Grant describes languishing as a “sense of stagnation and emptiness. Somewhat joyless and aimless”. The term "languishing" was coined by sociologist Corey Keyes. His research suggests that the absence of a mental illness, does not necessarily mean you are the picture of mental health and well-being either. The issue with languishing is that you brush aside your dulling of motivation and ability to focus as a phase. So, you find it unnecessary help yourself and fail to seek help. Corey Keyes, in his research states that languishing could be a risk factor for mental illness in the future and that people most likely to experience major depression and anxiety disorders in the next decade aren’t the ones with those symptoms today, they’re the people who are languishing right now.
Signs* of languishing may include:
moods that are not too high or too low
feeling unmotivated more often than usual
feeling unsettled but not highly anxious
apathy toward life and difficulty getting excited about anything
loss of interest in passions and hobbies
feelings of stagnation
feeling disconnected from your purpose in life
Naming your emotion, can be one of the best ways to manage your emotions. Being able put a name to your ‘meh’ feeling, can be healing in itself.
So, what can you do about it?
1. Flow
Adam Grant describes “flow” as the antidote to languishing, an elusive state of absorption in a meaningful challenge or momentary bond where sense of time, place and self melts away. It could be listening to your favourite song, watching Netflix or having a good chat with your friends.
2. Set goals
Not having anything to work towards and uncertainty contributes to languishing. While there is uncertainty surrounding as and it may be hard to plan far ahead into the future, try focussing on small goals that you can realistically achieve with the resources that you have. Make a plan for the next month and work towards it.
3. Celebrate small wins
Don’t forget to pat yourself on the back and celebrate your wins, however small. Give yourself small rewards as you meet milestones. Create a reward system that works for you. This is a great way to keep yourself motivated to reach your end goal.
4. Talking to someone
If you find that your mood doesn’t improve, the best way to deal with your emotions may be to reach out to someone who you can talk to in a space that you feel safe.
We have all experienced stress from time to time. Maybe it’s a person or a situation that you are in that’s creating stress and making you feel overwhelmed. It is your body’s response to a perceived threat.
Here are 5 tips to help reduce stress:
EXERCISE
We are all aware that of the health benefits of exercise, but in addition to keeping your body fit, it has been shown to be a powerful stress reliever. It releases feel good hormones like endorphins which helps make you feel less stress. Pick up an exercise that works for you, you could consider yoga, a dance workout or just a quick walk around your block. Try to get 10 -20 mins in. It doesn’t have to be a full- blown workout.
RELAXATION TECHNIQUES
Meditation and relaxation exercises have been scientifically proven to help decrease and manage stress. Don’t wait to be stressed out to try these techniques. Take some time out of your schedule every day to practice these techniques. Meditation is a simple yet effective way to help you calm your mind and be present. There are a lot of free apps that can you use, 'calm' and 'Headspace' are two that I have personally used and have found helpful.
ASSERT YOURSELF & SAY NO
Over committing yourself could be a contributor to stress. Learn to set healthy boundaries and say no to demands and expectations of you that leave you feeling overwhelmed.
SET REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS OF YOURSELF AND OTHERS
Realise that there are certain things that you cannot control the outcome off and work what you can control. Jot down a list of things you can control. Think about how you can work on these. Create goals out of this list, if it seems overwhelming hard to deal with, make them into smaller achievable goals. Create an actionable plan around how you can achieve them.
REDUCE TRIGGERS OF STRESS
Often the feeling of stress stems from having a lot on your plate. You have a lot to do but too little time, this leaves you feeling frazzled and overwhelmed. Creating a to-do list of everything that is on your plate can help you focus and get organised. Make a list of all that’s on your plate. Once you have everything down, work on identifying and prioritizing tasks on based on what needs to done first and what can be pushed back. Looking at work that can be pushed off will reduce the stress of feeling like you have more than you can handle.
If you are feeling overwhelmed or lost and directionless, know that you are not alone. If you are experiencing inner conflict and need clarity and direction to work through your thoughts and create a shift in your perspective, schedule your free 1:1 (60 min) Clarity Call with me. Having someone unbiased to talk to can help you process your feelings in a safe environment, without judgement and come up with strategies for change.
“Emotional wellness” refers to our ability to process feelings in a healthy, positive way and manage the stress of everyday life. The National Institutes of Health (NIH) have come up with an emotional wellness toolkit. Here is a quick look at the 6 strategies and a few key pointers for improving emotional health:
1. Brighten your outlook
To develop a more positive mindset
• Remember your good deeds.
• Forgive yourself.
• Practice gratitude.
• Spend more time with your friends.
2. Reduce stress
Learn healthy ways to cope with stress:
• Exercise regularly.
• Build a social support network.
• Set priorities.
• Seek help.
3. Get quality sleep
• Go to bed the same time each night and wake up the same time each morning.
• Sleep in a dark, quiet, comfortable environment.
• Limit the use of electronics before bed.
• Relax before bedtime.
• Avoid alcohol and large meals before bedtime.
• Consult a health care professional if you have ongoing sleep problems.
4. Cope with loss
Learn healthy ways to help you through difficult times, like the loss of a loved one.
• Take care of yourself. Try to eat right, exercise, and get enough sleep.
• Talk to caring friends.
• Find a grief support group.
• Don’t make major life changes right away.
• Talk to your doctor if you’re having trouble with everyday activities.
• Consider additional support.
• Be patient.
5. Strengthen social connections
Scientists are finding that our social connections whether with partners, family or friends can have can influence our biology and well-being To build healthy support systems:
• Build strong relationships with your family and friends.
• If you’re a family caregiver, ask for help from others.
• Join a group focused on a favorite hobby or learn something new
Most often than not, overthinking manifests as a result of uncertainty in your life; when you are caught between having to make difficult decisions or dealing with self-doubt. Learning to shift your perspective and change your mindset can help address this issue, provided that overthinking is not a by-product of a more a deep- seated emotional issue.
Here are 5 tips to help you cope with overthinking:
1. SELF-AWARENESS
The next time you catch yourself overthinking, take a moment and think about the situation you are in. Reflect on your response to the situation. How is this affecting you? The emotional reaction that you have to your thoughts could be what keeps you stuck in the loop of overthinking.
2. WHAT CAN I CONTROL?
There will always be certain things that are out of your control, no matter how much you overthink it. Recognize that and learn to let that go! Easier said than done, I know. Try the sphere of influence technique, it will help.
How it works- Draw two circles, a smaller circle inside a larger one. The smaller circle is your ‘sphere of control’, here you list down everything that you can control. The larger circle is your ‘sphere of influence’, here you make a list of all the things you can influence. The empty space outside the larger circle, is ‘everything else’. Everything you cannot control.
3. TRY MEDITATION
Yes, you heard it right. Meditation is a simple yet effective way to help you calm your mind and be present. There are a lot of free apps that can you use, Calm and Headspace Inc. are two that I have personally used and have found helpful.
4. FOCUS ON SOLUTIONS
Write down everything you are feeling and causing you to overthink. Pour it onto a paper. Now that you have your list, move on to the solution. Think about some possible steps you could take to overcome your problem.
5. THERE IS NO PERFECT CHOICE
Putting pressure on yourself to make the perfect choice, can have you overthinking every possible outcome. It is impossible to predict the future and know for sure the impact of your decisions. Accept that no choice is going to be perfect, every choice before you will come with uncertainty. Think about what it is that you could do with the information at your disposal that will take you closer to your ideal outcome. Think about actions that you can take rather than ruminate over the problem.
If you are feeling overwhelmed or lost, know that you are not alone. If you are experiencing inner conflict and need clarity and direction to work through your thoughts and create a shift in your perspective, schedule your free 1:1 (60 min) Clarity Call with me.
For more tips on mindset and mental wellness, follow us on Instagram.
We are all guilty of obsessing over perfection even though we know perfection is unattainable. The issue with perfection is that it leads to self-doubt and reduces productivity by slowing you down. The solution? Forget perfection, focus on progress.
5 STEPS TO FOCUS ON PROGRESS & IMPROVE PRODUCTIVITY:
1. CREATE A REALISTIC TO -DO LIST FOR YOUR DAY
Break your goal into achievable daily goals. See how the goals fit in, given your resources such as your time, skills and circumstances.
2. IMPERFECT ACTION IS BETTER THAN PERFECT INACTION
Stop obsessing over the final outcome being perfect. Shift your focus to hitting your goals consistently which ultimately moves you towards your final goal.
3. GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO MAKE MISTAKES
Accept that mistakes are an integral part of your journey. Look at your mistakes as an opportunity to learn. You will be better for it. Just don’t let the mistakes keep you from moving forward, after all that is what making progress is all about.
4. PEN DOWN YOUR GOALS
Write down your daily goals and check them off when you are done. Go over your list at the end of every day and every week to track your progress overtime and see for yourself how far you have come. This will give you the push you need to keep moving.
5. CELEBRATE SMALL WINS
Don’t forget to pat yourself on the back and celebrate your wins, however small. Give yourself small rewards as you meet milestones. Create a reward system that works for you. This is a great way to keep yourself motivated to reach your end goal.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, right? Take that step today! Don’t forget that results take time. Be patient and keep moving.
If you are experiencing a lack of direction and are not sure how to hit your goals or even set them, to create the future that you want, I can help. Schedule your free 1:1 Clarity Call (60 min) on the website, to learn how.
Is coaching really not the same as therapy? This a question that I frequently get asked. So, here is a list of differences between coaching and therapy. The terms ‘coaching’ and ‘therapy’ are broad terms covering a variety of approaches in coaching and therapy and every coach and therapist brings their own approach, technique and structure to their work. The differences below are only generalizations and cannot be applied to all coaches and therapists as a blanket rule. In reality, there are commonalities between the two.
REGULATIONS AND LICENSES
Coaches aren’t part of a regulated industry. While coaches are encouraged to get certified, this is not a mandatory requirement. On the other hand, therapists work in a regulated industry and must complete required levels of formal education and training as specified by their country of practice.
SCOPE OF PRACTICE
Therapists, given their training and education, would be best suited to work with individuals with mental health conditions. This is the most important factor that differentiates therapy from coaching: therapists are trained to help clients cope with mental health illnesses.
APPROACH AND OUTCOMES
Coaching is present and future focused. The primary objective is to help a client identify the problem, introspect and find solutions to the problem, set goals to resolve the problems and create a path to achieve the goals. Coaches hold you accountable to your goals.Throughout the process, coaches do not tell you what to do; they act as a sounding board to help you figure out what it is you want to do.
In general, therapy is past and present focused. Therapists focus on emotional resolution of past problems to move forward, finding solutions to those specific problems, while making ‘healing’ as one of the main objectives.
TIME LIMITED
Generally, coaching is a shorter and time limited process in comparison to therapy. That being said, this would vary based on the approach of the coach and therapist.
So should I opt for a coach or a therapist? Regardless of whether you go for coaching or therapy, what is important is that you realise you do not have to work through difficult situations alone and there are avenues of support. Seek help if you need it. Speaking to someone and opening up can help you find direction and clarity. Make sure you do a little research to find someone who works best for you and your situation. At the end of the day, whether you want support from a therapist or a coach is a personal choice.
* PS: If you need help with a mental health illness/ mental health diagnosis, therapy would be more appropriate.
If you are curious to know how coaching can help you, schedule your free 60 min Clarity Call to learn more.
Take a step back (literally) from whatever it is that is causing overwhelm. Pause your work and take a short break. Use this time to do something that brings you calm, this could be listening to music, meditating, going for a quick walk, talking to a friend, walking your dog, the list is endless. Find something that works for you. Stepping away from work while you are having a busy day might seem like a nonsensical thing to do but taking a breather helps take away some of the stress and clear your mind. This will help you focus better.
If you have worked at home during this pandemic and have your mom around, you have probably heard her say- “Peel your eyes away from your laptop for a minute, step outside and breathe in some fresh air!”. Well, listen to your mom because she’s onto something.
2. DECLUTTER YOUR MIND
Often the feeling of overwhelm stems from having a lot on your mind. Write down everything that is on your mind. Make a list of all that’s on your plate. Once you have everything down, you can work on prioritizing the tasks on list.
3. PRIORITISE
Now ask yourself, what work is most urgent in your queue or forms bulk of the work that needs to get done? Prioritising could prove challenging but try to figure out work that needs to be done on a priority basis. Make a to-do list of all the work you need to get done and sort them by the level of priority- What needs to get done now and what can wait. This will help you focus on work that’s most important and push the rest to the back burner. Looking at work that can be pushed off for now will take away from the stress of feeling like there is too much on your plate.
Try checking off some of the easier tasks on your list first. This will give you a sense of quick progress and create momentum for the rest of your work.
4. SET ACHEIVABLE GOALS
Make a note of roughly how long each task would take and calculate how long your day would take if you were to go by your to-do list. Make sure that the day's to-do list is achievable and realistic.
5. LEARN TO SAY NO
Over committing yourself could be a contributor to overwhelm. Learn to set reasonable boundaries. If you have a fully packed day on your hands and you are handed more work, communicate that you cannot take up anymore work. When saying no, you need to make sure that your response is backed by the deadlines you have to meet and is reasonable.
Acknowledge your emotions and process them. Let yourself know that it is perfectly alright and okay to feel overwhelmed and down when going through a tough time. Recognizing your emotions will help self-regulate your feelings and your response to your situation.
2. REMIND YOURSELF THAT THINGS GET BETTER, EVENTUALLY
While it might not feel like things will ever get better, remind yourself that you have been in hard situations before and you come out of it. If you have done it once, you can do it again. Just hang in there.
3. PRACTISE GRATITUDE
As humans, we are wired to keep a mental note of all the things that have gone wrong in our lives; for a change, start keeping track of things that are going right. This can be as simple as listing out 3 things you are thankful for despite your current situation. Practicing gratitude can help improve your overall mood. Studies have found links between practicing gratitude and positive feelings.*
4. EXAMINE WHAT YOU CAN CONTROL
Realise that there are certain things that you cannot control the outcome of. Determine what you can control. Make a list of things you can control (and try not to think about what is not under your control). Create goals out of this list. If it seems overwhelmingly hard to deal with, make this list into smaller set of achievable goals. Create an actionable plan around how you can achieve them.
5. REACH OUT
Reach out to the people that you trust and know care for you. They may not be able to solve the situation for you but having someone to open up to and lean on helps.
We have all been through points in our life where we have had to faced an inner struggle. Inner conflict leaves us feeling confused and stuck. Here are a few tips that I have put together to help you through inner conflict.
ACKNOWLEDGE
Start by acknowledging you are experiencing conflicting emotions about something and acknowledge the feelings that you are feeling.
CHECK IN WITH YOURSELF
Have a conversation with yourself to figure out what you are feeling conflicted about. Look at the emotions that you are feeling- is the situation making you feel lost, angry, frustrated? Take time and think about why what you are going through is making you feel this way. Is it the fear of what the future holds, maybe it is not knowing what it is that will make you happy or maybe which decision will prove to be the best decision. Take time to self-reflect.
BALANCE LOGIC AND EMOTIONS
Strike a balance between your emotions and rationale. Try not to let your emotions cloud your judgement or your logic ignore your emotions. Often inner conflict stems from being unable to decide between two choices that could lead to two different possibilities. If this is the case, try imagining yourself on both sides of the situation. Now ask yourself these questions:
- What does the possible future look like from each situation?
- What does being on each side feel like to you?
- What is the ideal outcome that you want?
- Where do you see yourself achieving this?
- What are the positives and negatives on each side?
Pen your thoughts down. Seeing your thoughts on paper will make it a little easier to look at the situation rationally. Having an idea of the outcome that you want, your belief system and having a deep understanding of who you are, helps you target your decision. Ultimately the key to overcoming internal conflict is being self- aware.
When you are experiencing inner conflict, the pressure comes from having to make the 'perfect' choice. Accept that no choice is going to be perfect and every choice comes with uncertainty. There is no way of knowing for sure what the impact of the decision will be. Make the choice that you believe will leave you feeling happier down the line. Once you have made your choice, try not to overthink. Embrace your decision.
Simply starting this journey of dealing with your inner conflict will make you feel like you have taken a load of your chest. This process will help you see things more clearly and will leave you feeling more at peace.
If you you need a support system to get you through your inner conflict, schedule a free 60 min Clarity Call to learn how I can help.
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